Dr. Liz 💖Connection Coach💖
5 min readNov 28, 2023

Meet Sarah and Mark.

Their relationship, like many others, began with love and optimism. However, beneath the surface, a toxic and manipulative behavior pattern was silently eroding the very core of their connection.

Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, had taken root, impacting not only their feelings but also their instincts and mental stability.

Let’s take a look at Sarah and Mark’s relationship to illustrate what gaslighting looks like in the context of real-life couples. Through their story, we’ll explore the three key signs to watch out for and, most importantly, how to address and heal from this destructive dynamic. Sarah and Mark’s journey serves as a poignant reminder that gaslighting can happen to anyone, but with awareness and action, it can be overcome.

What Gaslighting Looks Like in a Relationship

Gaslighting can be insidious and difficult to identify, but there are clear signs that can help you recognize it:

  1. Self-Doubt and Confusion:

Gaslighting, as seen in Sarah and Mark’s relationship, can lead to persistent self-doubt and an overwhelming sense of confusion.

For instance, Sarah often felt trapped in a whirlwind of doubt, thinking, “Am I going crazy?” and questioning her sanity. This internal turmoil was a direct result of Mark’s manipulative tactics. He systematically undermined her perceptions and made her question the validity of her thoughts and feelings.

This tactic of gaslighting left Sarah feeling as though she couldn’t trust her judgment, a sensation that was both disorienting and distressing. It’s a common experience for those subjected to gaslighting, where their sense of reality is consistently undermined, leaving them feeling bewildered and uncertain about their thoughts and emotions.

2. Feeling Lost and Suppressed:

Gaslighting can have a profound impact, leaving you feeling disoriented, unsure of yourself, and trapped in self-doubt.

It’s not uncommon to suppress your instincts and ignore your gut feelings when you’ve been systematically led to believe that you are the source of the problems in your relationship.

For example, let’s consider Sarah and Mark’s relationship. Whenever Sarah tried to express her concerns about Mark’s behavior, he vehemently denied any wrongdoing and accused her of being overly sensitive or irrational. Over time, Sarah began to doubt her perceptions and instincts. She stopped trusting her judgment, believing that she was at fault. Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of worry in your relationship, suppressing your authentic self to avoid conflict.

3. Unproductive Arguments:

Gaslighting frequently results in unproductive and circular arguments with no resolution.

These arguments often follow a predictable pattern in a relationship affected by gaslighting, such as Sarah and Mark’s.

For instance, when Sarah attempted to address her concerns about Mark’s behavior, he would skillfully deflect the conversation. He might insist that her feelings were unwarranted or she was overreacting. When Sarah tried to defend her perspective, Mark would accuse her of having anger and control issues, despite Sarah knowing deep down that this wasn’t the case.

In this way, gaslighting can create a maddening cycle where valid concerns are twisted and turned against the person raising them, leaving them feeling unheard and frustrated, and the issue remains unresolved.

Addressing Gaslighting and Healing the Relationship: Sarah and Mark’s Journey

Now that we’ve walked through Sarah and Mark’s relationship to understand what gaslighting can look like, let’s explore how they took steps to handle and heal from it, offering more concrete examples along the way:

1. Recognize and Acknowledge:

In Sarah and Mark’s case, Sarah began to notice that her self-doubt and confusion were growing more pronounced. She often found herself questioning her sanity after their arguments.

One day, she confided in a close friend who gently pointed out that her feelings might be a result of gaslighting. It was pivotal for Sarah as she started recognizing that gaslighting was happening in her relationship.

2. Open Communication:

Sarah decided to confront Mark about her feelings. She expressed her concerns openly, using “I” statements to convey her emotions rather than blaming him. Mark, initially defensive, eventually realized the impact of his behavior on Sarah’s mental state.

He listened as she described how she felt lost and confused, which opened the door to a more honest and empathetic conversation between them.

3. Understand Healthy Conflict:

As Sarah and Mark continued their conversation, they began to differentiate between gaslighting and healthy conflict.

Sarah pointed out that in a healthy disagreement, both partners listen and consider each other’s feelings and perspectives. Mark gradually understood that he had been undermining her reality rather than working towards a resolution in their arguments.

4. No Shame, No Blame:

Both Sarah and Mark decided to approach the issue without shame or blame.

They acknowledged that Mark’s gaslighting behavior had roots in his insecurities and past experiences. Rather than accusing him, Sarah gave him the time and space to recognize the problem behavior, which was essential for Mark to take responsibility for his actions.

5. Learn Communication and Conflict Skills:

Recognizing that they needed help developing better communication and conflict-resolution skills, Sarah and Mark sought the guidance of a couples expert. Through relationship coaching, they learned strategies to communicate effectively, express their feelings, and resolve conflicts without resorting to gaslighting tactics.

6. Give Space and Time for Change:

Healing from gaslighting took time for Sarah and Mark.

They had to give each other space to express their emotions without fear of judgment. Their relationship needed to have room to grow into a healthier dynamic. They remained patient with themselves as they implemented what they had learned, understanding that healing was a gradual process.

In Sarah and Mark’s journey, we see that addressing gaslighting and healing a relationship requires awareness, open communication, empathy, and a commitment to personal growth. Their story illustrates that overcoming gaslighting is possible with dedication and a desire to build a healthier and more respectful partnership.

Conclusion

If you’ve found this exploration of gaslighting in relationships resonating with your own experiences or concerns, I encourage you to take the next step toward healing and growth. Sarah and Mark’s journey is a powerful reminder that change is possible and that healthier, more loving relationships can be achieved.

I’m Dr. Liz, and I’m here to offer you a helping hand on your path to a stronger, more connected relationship. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Seeking support is a courageous step toward a brighter future.

I invite you to take advantage of our complimentary connection call to discuss your unique situation, share insights, and explore how I can assist you in your quest for a healthier, happier relationship. Together, we can identify strategies to address gaslighting or any other challenges you may face.

Remember, seeking professional guidance and support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Your well-being and the health of your relationship are worth the effort. To schedule your complimentary Connection Call with me, Dr. Liz, click the link here: Couple’s Connection Call.

Let’s embark on this transformative journey together towards a relationship that reflects the love, trust, and happiness you deserve.

Dr. Liz 💖Connection Coach💖

💖Dr Liz Jenkins 💖Connection Coach | Helping couples repair + reconnect with Couples Smart Restart™ 💕 75k hrs of exp | 35 yrs married | LMFT + Cert Coach