Transforming Relationships

Dr. Liz 💖Connection Coach💖
3 min readMar 20, 2024


As we navigate relationships, we often encounter moments that test the strength and resilience of our bonds. Whether it’s a budding romance, a new marriage, or a long-term partnership, conflicts are inevitable in our shared experiences.

Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash

But what if we could transform these conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection?

Let’s look deeper into redefining how we perceive and engage with conflict in our relationships.

The Seed of Conflict: Understanding Its Roots

Conflicts often arise from unmet needs, unspoken expectations, or simply the complexities of life intertwining with our personal histories.

The first step towards transformation is acknowledging that conflicts are not the problem but rather a symptom of deeper underlying issues. Recognizing this allows us to approach conflicts with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

Transforming Conflict into Conversation

The magic lies in shifting our perspective from viewing conflicts as battlegrounds to seeing them as bridges to deeper understanding. Our relationship success relies on identifying how we appear in conflicts.

Are we the critics, quick to judge and point fingers?

Or do we adopt a defensive stance, guarding ourselves from perceived attacks?

Recognizing our patterns allows us to replace them with more constructive behaviors. We can swap Criticism for expressions of concern and complaints, where we share how specific actions affect us personally. This shift softens the approach and invites a dialogue rooted in empathy and understanding.

The Power of Concern and Complaint

Expressing concerns and complaints might seem counterintuitive in a society that often views complaints as unfavorable.

However, when framed as a reflection of our needs and feelings, they become powerful tools for connection. For instance, a complaint about a partner’s parking habits can transform into a conversation about respecting shared spaces and considering each other’s needs.

Navigating Defensiveness: A Path to Openness

Typically, our natural go-to is defensiveness. It’s a natural reaction to feeling attacked, but it can also be a barrier to genuine understanding.

I suggest we examine our emotions behind defensiveness and address the root cause. This approach fosters an environment where both partners feel seen and heard, paving the way for constructive solutions.

Understanding Conflict Styles

Each of us has a unique style of dealing with conflict, influenced by our personalities, past experiences, and emotional triggers. Whether you respond to conflict with fire — intense and passionate — or ice — withdrawn and reserved — recognizing your style is the first step in adapting more effective strategies for resolution.

The Journey Forward

Transforming how we handle conflict in our relationships involves being patient, open to learning new strategies, and committed to personal growth. It consists in breaking old habits and building new ones grounded in mutual respect, understanding, and love.

Remember, you each arrived at this relationship or marriage with the best skills and strategies you learned growing up and in other relationships. Not all of these are effective or well-matched for who you are today, your partner or spouse, or your relationship needs.

Getting started with the transformation from conflict to connection can feel overwhelming or hopeless. Yet, it isn’t if you know where to start. No more overwhelm or circular fights, just a clear roadmap on each of your strengths and styles and a focused yet effective plan to redesign and reconnect. Deepening your connection and turning conflicts into opportunities for growth instead of disconnecting.

What’s Next

Are you ready to embark on this journey of transformation? To explore new perspectives and unlock more profound levels of connection in your relationship?

Visit my website,, to learn how quickly you can transform your relationship or marriage, even if you’re starting the journey alone. Together, let’s turn today’s challenges into tomorrow’s strengths.



Dr. Liz 💖Connection Coach💖

💖Dr Liz Jenkins 💖Connection Coach | Helping couples repair + reconnect with Couples Smart Restart™ 💕 75k hrs of exp | 35 yrs married | LMFT + Cert Coach